I’ve been sitting here on New Year’s Eve doing what most people do on the last day of the year. Or at least what most people in my circle do. Or at least what I do. Reflect. Plan. Set goals. Set intentions. Think about what I learned about myself, life and others over the past 12 months. I thought I would share my 2018 most notable life lessons with you. Someone somewhere needs to read this.
- You can feel other people’s energies. You can sense their vibe. And when you feel someone’s energy is off or it suddenly changes towards you, you are allowed to cut that energy out of your life for no other reason…you don’t need to have a smoking gun. Protect your energy and your peace at all costs.
- Don’t fall in love with potential. Wait and see. People will tell you and show you who they are. Pay attention. Listen. Don’t ignore it. If it feels off, it probably is. Your body knows. Move accordingly and don’t get mad at anyone else if you don’t. You are in control of who you let in your life. But be gentle with yourself too because this might take a few times (or more) before you really get the hang of it.
- Your relationships and where you are in your life regarding your goals are a direct reflection of the amount of self-love you have. No one else can give you what you can’t give yourself. Let go of the victim in you and recognize that who and what you have in your life is simply a mirror to show you how much you need to love yourself. If you are starving from a lack of love from others, you are starving yourself. If you’ve learned how to love yourself, your relationships and life will reflect that too. They get better when you do. It all begins and ends with you.
- Self-love is the key to it all. Slowing down, getting real with yourself and facing your shit and your pain is how you start to cultivate it. Go to a therapist. Address your toxicity. When you react or feel defensive, ask yourself why. Get curious and dig deeper. Keep peeling back the layers. It’s going to be painful, but it’s worth it. Trust me.
- Learning to love yourself and leveling up can be a lonely fucking journey. You will be tempted again and again to settle for less than you deserve from new and past friendships, relationships and situationships to avoid feeling lonely. Choose quality over quantity. Choose loneliness over the wrong relationship. Choose yourself over settling. Give yourself grace if you slip on this. Progress isn’t linear.
- When you’re leveling up, all your fears and doubts will manifest and be in your face. Things will go wrong to test you to see if you are going to back down. KEEP GOING. Do the things that you feel called to do. You will learn how to manage through every bullshit story you have about yourself and all your anxiety and fears. You’ll get stronger and more resilient. It’ll get easier as you’re building muscle memory. Until you have to do the next new scary thing. KEEP CHALLENGING AND SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
- There will be people who hate you, envy you, talk shit about you and abandon you simply because you are growing and evolving and shining. You can never make everyone happy, even if you think you are avoiding drama. Consider the source. You don’t own their shit. Don’t take it on. Keep shining and allow people to leave. Don’t convince anyone. Don’t hustle for love. Your people will find you. Whatever is meant for you will never miss you.
- The space between feels disconnected, scattered, anxious, unhinged, depressing, demotivating and never-ending. RIDE IT OUT. Take care of yourself like a mother-effer. It ends. You have survived everything you’ve been through 100% of the time. You’ll make it through this too.
- People can only meet you where they are. Sometimes, it’s a matter of can’t versus won’t. It is not your job to save or heal or wait for anyone else. You can’t heal or fix or change anyone. Only they can decide to do that for themselves. Realize that their growth is about them and where they are. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND IT IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR WORTH. Also, this doesn’t make them a horrible person. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. We are all on different timelines and here to learn different lessons.
- Great sex doesn’t mean nearly as much as you think. You can have an amazing sexual connection with someone who will bring you absolutely no love or peace or intimacy or connection. You can have an amazing sexual connection with someone who doesn’t deserve an inch of you. If all you want is sex, proceed, but know that there is no such thing as casual sex as it is ALWAYS an exchange of energy. If you want more, treat yourself as the temple you are. You are sacred. You deserve love, respect, effort and consistency.
AND THE BIGGEST LESSON OF ALL. Keep your heart open. Keep letting it break. Keep leaning into vulnerability. Keep fighting for the marginalized. Keep resisting. Keep being a human. Feel it all. Be open to receiving everything you deserve. You aren’t too little or too much. You are exactly enough. Your power is your depth of emotion and your willingness to share it with others.
Ending this with a quote I’ve loved since I first heard it and in my mind, there are no better words to relay what I wish for you in the coming year.
“In this new year, may you have a deep understanding of your true value and worth, an absolute faith in your unlimited potential, peace of mind in the midst of uncertainty, the confidence to let go when you need to, acceptance to replace your resistance, gratitude to open your heart, the strength to meet your challenges, great love to replace your fear, forgiveness and compassion for those who offend you, clear sight to see your best and true path, hope to dispel obscurity, the conviction to make your dreams come true, meaningful and rewarding synchronicities, dear friends who truly know and love you, a childlike trust in the benevolence of the universe, the humility to remain teachable, the wisdom to fully embrace your life exactly as it is, the understanding that every soul has its own course to follow, the discernment to recognize your own unique inner voice of truth, and the courage to learn to be still.”
– Janet Rebhan
Peace out, 2018. Thank u, next. <3